A Curve, Chased By A Fool
I constantly feel like I am always trying to do the most creative thing at one time or another, then, immediately, realizing I am trailing behind, doomed to be late to the punch.
a permanent loser
lost in one million things
none of those things complete
barely able to speak a sentence
without getting caught in the words
relegated to poetry writing
because full sentences are a curse
because I would rather sing my pain
then piece it together
what does writing do, but let you do such a thing
and I don’t care about my feelings
and I care so much
and I want to be relevant
and I want to be lost
i want every form of art
every shred of knowledge
pull apart
humorous yet serious
full picture and small details
balancing acts I cured years ago
but the sickness is chronic
the middle is infinite
i just want to know what I’m doing
and be able to do it
and not write about how hard it is
to get past a simple executive function error
not so simple
so sleepy
so all over the place
how am I supposed to make a whole thing all at once?
work hard every single day
take accountability
like I told myself’s self that I would
i’m not really afraid anymore
and now the next enemy
is an old friend
maybe I can detect the Odyssey this time
let’s write that down
let’s make a book about that
move to milan
sail a boat
into a sea of on the job adventure
maybe I could unlock something significant
a book of poems no one will read
a list of accomplishments, too late to matter
yet I arrived, I will arrive
i want to comment on every single thing that has ever been
i can’t stop and it comes out from everywhere
and I want to consume the world
and put it on its head
and hug it
and love it
learn how
i didn’t kill the dragon
i just picked up the pieces
and watched other people have fun
wishing I could accomplish that sort of thing
so easy
to forget what life is supposed to be
not supposed to be anything
to go home
but where?
i go on for so long i forget what I’m talking about
what was i trying to fix
something about being outrun
deciding whether or not it’s even a race at all
so dramatic
just go and do that stuff
it’s been on the list
it will continue to be on the list
you get closer
keep going
you’re getting so close
keep going
please
you are going to be OK
let the fog roll away
let the fog roll away
with me now
think
not like that
the sentence
not the words
see?
leap
in small steps
you’ve got it
i am always afraid that decay will creep in
the end
the end
that I am past my time
growing so thin
a belief others will win
a game that doesn’t exist
just play by yourself
use a pencil on the wall
check your height
the wave crashes over
onto you
you missed it
go home
a magic direction pulled from the void
that will save me
another castle
another master
useless in death
like you
but you want to live?
fine then
try your best
Your Best.
