An Accident

There’s a thought experiment I play through in my head concerning what my life would be like if she hadn’t gotten in that car.

I am in a world of chaos, with no true story, and I must “figure it out”.

What is that measured response?

Why am I still going?

Yesterday she said she wasn’t feeling well, and I connected the dots to a cancer scare my friend had talked about weeks ago.

She is fine, but I can’t shake the feeling I need to save her from something.

i am walking doom

afraid of my shadow

yet the the sun is here

and will be here

until it’s shadow swallows it too

boo hoo

i see you are sad

sulking in tears you made

trying to hoist yourself out with no rope

you expect progress in this impossible game

you are not stupid

you are not stupid

in your “case” of course

don’t forget

the light atop the tower

will always be shining

i am god, manifest

here to tell you i am not here to help

that i will not weep with you

there is no room in this pit for us, wallowing

i will watch you etch a false path into the walls

and avert my eyes as you struggle up it

she is so afraid

all the time

but I never see her cry

still I am the one

dragging my own body

across the keys

making

mine

melodious

sorrow